In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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