My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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