Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
