I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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