did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
