She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
