Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
