Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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