I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
