Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
