You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
