Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
