how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
