so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
