oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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