You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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