I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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