Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
