At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
