you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
