I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
