im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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