I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
