why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
