My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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