Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
