I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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