After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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