I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We have started to decorate penises.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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