I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
