no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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