We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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