i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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