I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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