You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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