the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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