Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
