so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
FUCK WHALES
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
