hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
