Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You pole danced in your parka.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
