Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize