my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
