it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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