The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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