We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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