I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
