I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
