Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize