Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
