Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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