i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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