you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
