he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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