I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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