In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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