Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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