only if we run a train.
done.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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