Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
