Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
