you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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