Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
