You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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