I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
