i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
