She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
