My nipple is on Facebook.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
